I do NOT need the scale, as much as I think I do. The scale really causes me a LOT of turmoil. I MEAN A LOT! If I lose.. happy lets eat food, if I gain.. sad lets eat more food! What's wrong with this picture?!
Seriously the weight loss wagon is backing out of my driveway and heading down the road with just my shoe on board, the rest of me is dangling for dear life. I seriously don't know why I find it interesting to self sabotage myself. I have been doing it my entire life. It has to stop!
This week I decided to write about my journey to how I got here, to this very moment in time. Why I turned to blogging as an outlet, why I have decided that enough is enough. My weight does not control my happiness, I DO!
Why is our society so bent on telling women they are not "skinny enough" and "skinny = pretty" or "fat = ugly". I struggle with why our media continues to confuse girls on what reality is and what is not!
This past weekend I had a discussion with two guys, and they literally said I just don't understand why someone would let themselves get "that far". I was pretty pissed about this, because OBVIOUSLY people wake up one morning and decide "Hey, yeah I would love to have a million healthy problems while feeling completely miserable all to send myself to an early grave" said NO ONE EVER!
I realize that those who have NEVER struggled with an eating disorder could never understand the mental disorder that goes with it. Someone who eats their feelings is dealing with emotion in a completely unhealthy manner, it has nothing to do with physical appearance and all about mental feelings that get them to the point of losing control. For most people an eating disorder is their only means of control, at least that's how they feel.
I digress, I have written 2 posts on where my struggles truly began. It's something most children never have to experience, and I wish ALL children never had to experience this kind of pain. The world we live in has never been considered fair, so why start now. You decide your own happiness, you control your journey to find it. If you would like to catch up they are here and here
So my goal for this week, is to focus not on what a scale told me this morning, but go meal to meal and make the best choices I can. I also want to set my free weigh regimen in gear and stick to it. I want Jillian Michael's arms too!!!
For now check out this free weight bar that is "Gold's Gym" brand and found at wal mart- I am completely appalled at that last sentence! Can you believe it?!
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| This was straight from Wal Mart's website! |
My weigh in Wednesday was about breaking up with my scale! I used to get so devastated if I hadn't lost as much weight as I thought I should have or if it didn't move. I was so obsessed with it I was practicing some pretty unhealthy habits. Now that I am back at it I only weigh once a week and I don't let it bother me AS long as I have been dilligent about working out and making wise food choices.
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