It's all about the benjamins.....now how do I get some of those?

So I can't believe I am finally doing my 100th post!

It's so hard to believe that its also been over a year since I started this blog.

See my first post here....I hope I have come a ways....lol

While I was off on my "break", I realized that my year mark had come and gone. I am sad to say that I missed it :(.

I love having a way to put myself out there with writing and get positive feedback.

I also have thought a  lot about how far I have come and how little I have followed through.

I set up so many challenges for myself and I am completely disappointed in myself for not following through.

I feel like I was really struggling with a lot of things in my life and I am now at a point where I feel good about a lot, actually pretty much everything in my life.

I still have my crazy moments where my fiancé thinks I am nuts...but don't all men think women are nuts?....I mean like sometimes we can be bat shit crazy....ok not every women but I have definitely seen it.....orrrr I have been told that I am bat shit crazy...I can't recall which ;)

I don't want this post to be all "whoa is me...I suck because I still haven't gotten my shit together and lost any weight...or only 6 lbs"....which means I have gained some back.

Why do we continue to subject ourselves to torture....I realized recently that the number on the scale doesn't reflect me as a person...it doesn't reflect anything but gravity! ( I know you'd think after about 7000 science classes in high school and college I would have figured that out a long time ago....no such luck)

There are many days I wish I lived on the moon so that number wouldn't mean a damn thing.

What frustrates me the most....Doctors, Hollywood, and people who have high metabolisms at birth, and my ability to self sabotage!

1. Doctors continue to tell you that if you are between this number and this number you are "healthy"...I call bull shit!
2. Doctors say that morbid obesity has become an epidemic in our country...why is that?....well I am sure part of it has to do with this obsession of the number on the damn scale.

I for one am sick of it!  I hate going to the doctor, ESPECIALLY when I have really been trying, you get some ass hole doctor who doesn't know a damn thing about you or what you have been trying to do, all they see is a number...a number that isn't good enough according to their "scale" on where I "should" be!

3. Hollywood continues to airbrush celebrities, and telling us that a size 12....pardon my French..a FUCKING 12 is a PLUS sized model....let me just say that miss Marilyn Monroe was a size 12 and President Kennedy loved her...in fact most men loved her....why was that...because she was skinnier than a bean pole? NO because she was confident and had curves that represent so much more than a damn number.

4.People with high metabolisms....I wish I knew the secret to being born with this glorious gene...until they patton it I guess I will keep counting my calories and working my hiney off.....literally!

So on to my next task at hand!.....Keeping promises....to myself!

I do a damn good job of keeping my word to others for something THEY need....

You need help moving Saturday?....I'm there...early... with extra boxes anddddd treats

You need a ride to work? I will be there 15 minutes early so we both are on time

So why is it when I tell myself I want to look as good as I feel I fail miserably....I know I know you can' fail until you give up....so why do I feel like I have failed...that I have let myself down?

This post means so much more than just being my 100th post...its my way of apologizing to myself for beating myself up everyday....for not meeting the goals I had wanted to meet by now.

I have 7 months and 1 day until I say "I do"....I don't want any regrets as I am getting ready that morning about how much work I DID NOT accomplish...I want to know that I have done my best!

I am starting a new....I am trying this week but giving myself a break knowing that my favorite time of the month is approaching rapidly which brings a LOT of exhaustion ANNNND horrid cravings....I still eat my healthy meals but if I want a cheat snack I take it.

I entered SkinnyMeg's Diet Bet which ends Oct 1st and I have to be down 4% of my body weight...I can definitely do it, but I am telling all of you to keep myself accountable!

WHEN I win, I am hoping to put that money towards engagement outfits! Our pictures are rapidly approaching and I can't wait!!

I will be posting my birthday party update tomorrow ( for reall) I will also be filling you all in on a little secret happening next Friday....I can't believe I agreed to do this...but sometimes my brain thinks to quickly for my mouth to catch up.....or vice versa ;)

Until tomorrow my dear friends....here's to taco pizza wishes and Hershey bar dreams!

Keep it real...as we know it's allll about the Benjamin's!