NEVER EVER give up on YOU...Bix 7 recap

Well that was quite the weekend...so much that I had to take one more day to recoup!

Can I just say prepare to be in a lot of pain if you don't train for a long distance run...especially one with ALL hills! :)

I was so nervous the day before I barely ate, I also didn't drink nearly enough water which I would soon find out the next day!

The morning of the race was down right COLD for July.

J came with me ( through no coercion of me... ;))

I was so grateful he drove because that meant that I didn't have to find a parking spot....this race had over 18,000 runners/walkers this year.

HOLY crap...that is a ton of people to be IN a race!

I met with my two besties before the race, but they were in a different heat than I was...the one in front of me was theirs.

They are seasoned runners and seasoned at this race so I was fine with not running with them.

I was told so many things before I did this race my head was literally spinning.

"Do the Bix at 6"- this was the practice runs every Thursday leading up to the race!

"don't do the bix at 6"

"start out running up Brady"

"Walk up the hills and run down the hills"

In the end I mixed a little of everything!  I did start out running and got about half way up before I needed to rest....walked a bit and then ran to the top.

Once I was at the top I slowed down....I was already extremely tired..annddd I had started to lose feeling in my hands and my face.....weirdest feeling EVER!

I got through mile 1 and thought "holy shit I have 6 of these bitches left?"

I walked up the hills and would run down them, only to get to the last hill before turning around....that hill was such a bitch!

I am talking think of the steepest incline possible and walk up it.....twice (on the way back!)

One of the hills seemed to last FOREVER...but I will say on my way back I was doing ok, and then mid way through that last upward hill I started to feel sick.

I thought I was going to pass out.

I wanted to stop...I wanted to give up.

I saw a medic cart drive by and wanted to scream "WAIT...you forgot ME!!!"

But something in my kept me from screaming, kept me from stopping!

What was it? Well one was my sweet blogger friend Mel, I have seriously never "met" such a sweet supportive woman.

I started crying when the race was over because I had noticed she dedicated her 10 miler that morning to me...ME!!! How awesome is that!?

Another aspect was J...I had guilted him into coming and then I was gonna give up....I would never hear the end of it!

The biggest thing though was myself. I could say that I had nothing to prove but that would be a huge freaking lie!

I had a lot to prove....to those who made fun of me growing up, to those who never thought I was pretty enough or good enough.

Mostly to prove to myself that I could do it...and that all those things said to me years and years ago were in fact just words....and although those words sting for many years after YOU are the sole decider on how many years that lasts.

I am pretty enough..I am good enough...damn it I deserve to be great!

I can't describe to you the feeling you get when you finish a big race like that and you see the finish line...typing this now is bringing back those emotions of fighting through pain and getting my ass across that line.

I am tearing up not because of sadness of my time not being fantastic, but of pure JOY...I Lindsay finished the Bix...did I run the whole thing? NO...did I walk most of it? ABSOLUTELY....did I train at all...UHHH stupidly NO....but I finished it.

The girl that 10 years ago said she hated running, it was stupid and I would NEVER be a runner.

Well my dears, never say never....you just don't know what might motivate you to kick some booty!

That last 1/2 mile for me was probably the hardest I have ever pushed myself...I wanted to puke, I was tired, I was freezing and everytime I would start to run towards that finish I would get a calf cramp...badd...so I'd have to walk a few steps then run....then repeat!

All I know is there is no way I could have or would have gone through without so much support.  I also know that there is no excuse for me to NOT follow through on something ever again.

The rest of the weekend was spent RELAXING....I got to spend some wonderful time with one of my besties who is also a bridesmaid and lives in Colorado.

Friends since grade school...going strong!

"OPEN YOUR EYES"....we still have one bar left!

This past weekend was exhausting yet quite possibly one of the best I have had in a LONG LONG time.

My boo <3

 

Finished the bix- Check
2 bridesmaids dresses down- check

Don't ever EVER give up on yourself...you never know what awesome task you will conquer!

Workin on my fitness.....with a little Jane Fonda

Well, well, well...this week has just flown by for me! I am finishing out my last few days at my current job and I will have some free time before I start my new job!

I have been MIA trying to get things done so that the transition will be smooth for everyone!

on top of feeling icky....mother nature is a bisch

HA! Well, I have already been making my list....you know how much I love lists...of things that need to get done while I am off- better make use of my time ;)!

I have been writing out the Wedding "To DO" list as well...and holy moly I thought I was doing really good...uhhhh NOT! I still have A TONNNN to do!!

So I am trying not to think of what I have to do in the future few weeks and focus on today....and this weekend!

Tonight I am planning on going to pick up my packet for the Bix 7.

This is what I get to experience for the first time Saturday Morning at 8am.....I will probably cry several times through out...anybody else get emotional while working out? No? Just me huh?...well I don't care I know i am going to cry at some point...and probably multiple times during the race!!

For those of you not from the quad cities...this is a huge race and its alll HILLS!.......I do mean ALL hills..Up down up down up down...The blue is the course!....see what I mean!

I am so NOT prepared for this race...I have gotten away from running..not because I hate it or don't make time for it..but because I am trying to focus on just working out in general!

I was putting way too much on my plate...and I know I have talked about this but I am telling you now..if you have any doubts on whether or not you are trying to do to many "healthy" changes....STOP!

STOP what you are doing right now...you will get burnt out and and want to just quit because its too much!

At least that's how I felt!  Now I have evened out...I am eating right and working out 6-7 days a week on a regular basis!

I am back at it with Turbo Fire and I am loving it...its definitely a challenge for me, but that is good! You should be challenged!

Next on the list is the Pump Dvd's ...they have finally come out with the home version to Body Pump that Skinny Meg talks up all the time!  I am so excited for it!!

I know that i am doing something right when I went to the bachelorette shin dig last weekend ( 80's themed I might add) I knew what I weighed...I had to weigh in Monday morning..and I didn't gain an ounce.. I didn't lose either..but considering what I consumed..I did freakin AWESOME!!

So  when in doubt...SIMPLIFY!

Simplify everything you are doing, and build on that...why complicate something that has already been a challenge for you!

Why set yourself up for failure? DON'T!

I can't tell you how great I feel now that I have been consistent!  I def have to thank my BB coach...but really I did the work, I put in the effort! It's ok to pat yourself on the back when you deserve it!

My skin is clearer and I am happier!

Healthy works, if you work it the right way! You don't have to give up good foods and you don't have to eat diet garbage! I don't!!

I will post on the Bix Run Monday....I am sureeee it will be quite the post! :) If you don't hear from me I didn't make it ;) Just kidding.....or am I?

Until then Here is a little look into my crazy night last weekend...I am too old for this shiz anymore!

ANNNND here we go to the 80's!....LOVE IT!

check out those sweet nails....the blue is supposed to be black light...but of course we found NO black lights!

Love my girl!

This is where the party's at!

THANK the lord they had Busch Light...I don't do Ale's or any other high class beer Thank YOU!

the lovely bride to bed! :)

Accountability, swaps and a little salad tip

So yesterday I had this great post all planned out and then my day got away from me and it didn't happen...I was even going to title it Hummmmppppp Daaaaeeeyyyyy with this as my intro :

Did I sound like the camel on the Geico commercial?....because that's clearly what i was going for! Have a listen for yourself ;)

I have been so stress free since Tuesday its not even funny! It is amazing how little changes make all the difference in the world.

I could sit here and tell you how my life is perfect my future hubs is perfect...but that would be a damn lie!

I am so far from perfect its not even funny!

And J is pretty imperfect himself but I love him still! :)

I have made several changes this week to my weight loss journey!

Change number 1: I now have a beach body coach who is holding me SERIOUSLY accountable!...I mean like asking what meals are and such...which is good because its so random so I am always thinking what IF she asks about this meal!

I'm slowly learning to do this for myself, but sometimes you just need that extra nudge of accountability.

Change 2:  I have worked out every day this week ( except Monday but Turbo has a rest day and I worked through it to catch myself up)- Again this blog is to keep me honest and accountable!

I really do enjoy Turbo fire, even if I do want to scream at Chalene and say SERIOUSLY are we NOT done yet?!  I feel amazing AFTER its over.

Ok actually it's probably more- "ok bitch if I could reach you I would slap you right now", but then it passes because she switches to something else which is why its so perfect for me.

I just love this quote and it seriously is so true!

I have done probably 90% wonderful on my food this week...but I figure its progress not perfection.

I have had 3 wins so far this week:

Win number 1- yesterday I wanted a pop super bad...why? I have no freaking clue I generally just drink water...I got all the way over to a fast food place and kept driving and talked myself out of it!! DID NOT NEED IT!

Win Number 2: Played volleyball last night and it was hotter than Hades...and I seriously felt disgusting afterwards....all I wanted was ice cream...so we went to Culver's....others had yummy ice cream delights and I had a plain vanilla cone- was this super good for me and my journey? HELL NO...but I am not dead..and it was the best possible choice...I consider that winning!

You have to be able to keep up how you are eating FORRREVVVERRR or it will never last!

and last but not least,

Win number 3: Today I went to lunch with some girls from work since I only have a week and a half left, we went to a pizza place and they ALL got calzones that smelled AMAZING and looked even better!

I however did not get a calzone I didn't get anything super fun- except the bacon on my salad that was my "fun"...I got a cob salad no olives (gross), cheese on the side and Balsamic dressing.

Little fun trick I have learned through out all my diet fads...if you don't pour your dressing BUT dip your fork in the dressing and then pick up salad you eat 1/4 of the dressing!

So was this the perfect meal? NO...could it have been better at home? absolutely..BUT I am not giving up everything and that is how I know I will succeed this time!

I may not get to the end point as fast as some but I am damn sure not gonna give up after I do!

The funny thing about my beach body coach is that she will give me GREAT info, but then I read it and think ok I already knew this, and I do practice this so where have I made mistakes?

Well one area which is by FAR the worst for me is CONSISTENCY!!!!....I am TERRIBLE with that as you can tell since I started in January and I have had to start over SEVERAL times...

I'm ok with that, because I have learned things, actually LOTS of things.

Here are some food things I have learned in the past 5 years:

1. NEVER EVER EVER skip breakfast, even if it is a piece of fruit.

2. ALWAYS bring your own snacks- I don't care if you are going to the mall....what helps your waistline more...a serving of almonds from home or the yummy pretzel with cheese?

3. Swapping foods: here are my biggest swappers-
            Original                                Swapped
        
          Sour Cream                              Non-fat Greek Yogurt (plain)
          Flour Tortillas                          La Tortilla Low Carb tortillas
          Milk                                         Unsweetened Almond Milk
          Bacon                                    Organic Nitrate free Turkey Bacon
        Ketchup                                 Organic Corn Syrup free Ketchup
        Ranch                                     Light Ranch- for now its better
        Other Dressings                       Bolthouse- made from yogurt
        White Rice                               Whole Grain or Quino
         Bread                                      Ezekiel Whole Grain
        White Flour                            Unbleached White whole wheat (King Arthur)

4. Finding the best work out time for yourself is KEY, for me its definitely gotta be in the morning, unless its running- I can do running either but doing a workout dvd at night after work...not. gonna. happen!

These are just a few things I have learned...remember my "tip" from way back when...you can find the post here....well my jar is getting full so I am gonna need to replace the ones with larger bills soon.....andddd I am gonna look like a damn stripper with all those dolla bills floatin in my purse!

Learn what works for you....I have more swaps but those are the ones that I can think of on the top of my head, making little changes can make a HUGE impact on your day!

Happy Thursday!! :) One more day til the weekend! :)


*** DISCLAIMER: I am not now nor have I ever been a trained nutritionist, or fitness expert...these are what work for me and conisist of lots of research I have done on these topics! Just wanting to share some knowledge I have learned!

Giveaway anouncement what?

I contemplated even writing a post today because I am in a "mood", not bad, not great, its whatevs....BUTTTT then I logged in and I see I have 20 followers!??! OMG how did this happen... I mean I know that's not great for some because I have had my blog for almost a year, but this is HUGE to me!

On top of that I know that there are people who read it but don't "follow" and that's ok, I just hope y'all are reading because you think what I say is either A. funny as shit, B. profound,  C. HIGHLY intelligent or D because I keep it real...since B and C are pretty much out the WINDOW...I am hoping its either A or D, but it could be because you need entertainment and I am good person to laugh at!

Whatever your reasons are...I am glad you are here!! Back when I wrote this post...I said that if I got to 20 followers I would announce the "50 Follower" giveaway! So as promised I will be buying a gift card with my own money to any of the following places: Target, Starbucks or KLR (That is if Becka will let me) It won't be very much, because lets be real I am broke as a joke, but I want to tell you all how much you mean to me!!

So I will just tell you two things....1. I am sooooo excited to see that I hit 20 followers, and 2. I FINALLY have tomatoes in my garden....although these are the only ones so far I do NOT care...I have been DYING for some garden tomatoes!!! It's the little things folks!!

**Side note, I started writing this post this morning, and since then have gotten GRRRREEAT news...so my "mood" is forever gone!

Help spread the word by sharing this link to get me to 50 followers so you can enter my giveaway!

Will you win the giftcard?

FINALLY over the Hump!!

So I have been STRUUUGGLLINNN like a train going up hill with no coal trying to get this weight off but I kept getting discouraged.

I would get in a routine of eating really well and working out and the scale wouldn't budge! Not a damn ounce! It was very frustrating to "think" you are trying your hardest and not see any results.

Welllll I wasn't exactly putting in 100% on food or working out. I would lift weights here, run a day of c25k there...and watch what I ate during the week...then the weekend would come, and I would let myself have that pop ( that I had tried to give up), I would eat a thing of skittles or a bag of gardehttos for lunch ( super nutritious right?? but so yummy...well the garedehttos didn't feel so guilty but I felt awful after the skittles)

It was a never ending cycle....well guess what I FINALLY broke the cycle this weekend! :)

I have lost 6 lbs since THursday ( mostly water I am sure) and the best PART...I lost through the weekend...do you know HOW long it has been since I have done that?! WINNING!

I couldn't be more pleased with myself...well yes I could if I had worked out every day since Thursday when I started eating better...but first things first.

I realized that when I kept giving things another go..I would overwhelm myself with so many things, and then get burnt out, not see any results and quit for a week. Then I'd try again. I had no consistency and it showed

Last Thursday I went to the grocery store ( one of my favorite places to be- fun fact: I love grocery shopping, but hate grocery prices).

I have figured out what foods work for me to stay on track ( eggs are a MUST). So I thought I would give you a break down of the foods I bought:

Frozen Chicken breast ( I would love to switch to organic soon)
grapes
strawberries
Organic Mixed baby greens
Romaine Lettuce (Whole)
Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin Bread
Green Peppers ( until ours come in)
Onions
Red Potatoes
Sweet Potatoes
Avocado
String Cheese
Justin's Almond Butter (its a treat I don't buy it every time I run out)
Granny Smith Apples

Etc, Etc, Etc- I am really trying to just buy 70% produce 15% meats (we have a lot of freezer space which comes in handy when there are huge sales) and 15% of other. Eating is half the battle..the other half is my brain- telling me not to work out, telling me I can't do more.

Isn't it awful that most often we are our own worst enemies?....So Sad!

This is my first attempt at this percentage and so far its working great...I eat every 2-3 hours...if it hasn't been 3 hours after a meal and I am feeling hungry I eat protein ( I am a protein eater, it makes me feel satisfied- I took a test to see what my body type was...I wasn't surprised)

I will say that this time around I am counting EVERY SINGLE thing that goes in my mouth! I am talking taco seasoning, veggies like celery that have "0" calories, EVERYTHING...you may be able to fool others for a short period of time, hell you can probably fool yourself into thinking that you are doing everything possible to be healthy, but after awhile it catches up with you!

Now am I a lot healthier than a year ago..ABSOLUTELY! I have gained a LOT of knowledge through others, research and just my body telling me what it wants.

Learning to listen to yourself is a huge task for someone who is an emotional eater.  I have just made the decision that I don't want to be controlled by my job stress, food or anything else anymore.

Everything we do has a consequence and it will either be positive or negative. I want my choices to start having a positive affect on my life.

I had lost about 20 lbs last spring and of course gained it all back, but I remember when I got to that point I felt awesome!

I felt good after workouts.

I wasn't as crabby.

I wasn't as tired, I could actually get something done at night besides sitting on my butt watching tv!

In fact not only did I GET things done...but I actually WANTED to do them. It wasn't forced, and I didn't need a reward of do these dishes and you can sit an watch tv!

I am getting back to that point without even working out yet, but I know there will be tough days ahead of me.

I know that I will get tired of thinking of different meals, but there was one thing that I read that really stuck with me.

When you are struggling to get back on course after a short derailment, look back to your food diary and see what you ate and what you were doing when you were doing really well.

This speaks volumes! I know right now I am on a roll, and I know that I will hit a wall soon, BUT I am not giving up this time! ( I realize I have said this before, but I feel different this time)

I guess I can put it this way....we all remember that first time we THOUGHT we were drunk....if you say this didn't happen I call bull shit!

And then we actually GOT drunk, and it was a wholllleee different ball park! I am talking ball parks states away!

That "buzz" feeling I get now is pretty darn close to what I thought "drunk" was way back then!  Mind you I was 17....I know how awful of me...but I wasn't a partier (clearly) and this was my attempt at being bad ass instead of the goodie two shoes I was seen as.

My best friend and I often joke that we wish we could go back and melt our two experiences together, but then we wouldn't be who we are.

Experiences change us, they change how we react to things, how we feel about things, and how we feel about others who haven't gone through jack shit.

But reality is I went through what I did, and there's nothing anyone can say or do that will change that.

So you either make the decision to let all of your bad experiences control you, or use them to your advantage and push through them and blow everyone out of the damn water!

Will I feel like I am starving some days..hell yeah...2-3pm is the WORST for me! Will I have "fat" days...uhhhh duh! Will I give up...NO, why? because I can't...there is no way I am giving up on myself this time! I deserve better! So here's to all of us who are tired of bullying ourselves...who are tired of eating our emotions. Here's to new possibilities and new outlooks on ourselves!

One step at a time

As I was scrolling through facebook at around 6am this morning...kill me now...I came across someones post..actually that someone is one of my favorite cousins...and he and his wife are complete running inspirations!!

His post said something about how the saying of "the first step is the hardest" must have been said by someone who didn't take the second step.

I can completely relate to this! I actually think the first step is THE easiest, especially when you are starting out and you are all excited about eating "healthier" and exercising...kind of like that "new year's resolution" syndrome.

What that person that said the quote obviously doesn't understand is what it is like to struggle through your entire journey.

The first day is the hardest? I call bull shit...the 10th day and the 100th day and the 500th day, those can be the hardest...especially if you haven't seen the results you want.

However, I am trying to think in a positive manner, so what could I learn from the thoughts I have on those really "trying" days....well for starters how HARD am I "trying"?

Did I put in 100% for food and exercise...No? Well there is the issue! The solution however is much harder....how do I fix this problem?

I have been struggling with this question for the last 7 months.....well 15 years if you want to get technical!

What is it that makes me work my butt off for a few months and then fall back into old habits?

Well for starters...fad diets and "magic pills"...they are probably the closest thing to the devil right here on earth..they give false hopes of unicorns and fairy lands where people become skinny in 3 weeks by taking magic pills or not eating carbs EVER or eating 200 calories for 6 weeks....while those things MAY work for a short period of time...hell some people rock their results for a LONG time..I take my hat off to you...however ME....

I fit into the 75% of Americans...yeah I pulled that out of my ass....it sounded good right? who do those diets or take those pills for a few months and then go back to what they were doing because Damn it, it sucks taking a pill every day or NEVER EVER touching carbs....although carbs aren't my weakness...I do love a good sandwich...and NO lettuce does not taste the same as bread...so get that out of your head...its ok sometimes..but you know I just need a good strong piece of bread to hold my mayo and mustard in place not squeeze out the bottom! Lets not forget about potatos....now thoseeee are a weakness! And don't EVEN get me started on simply drinking a protein shake EVERY DAY...FOREVER for a meal...I like my salty foods, and although I can do meal replacements every once in awhile or definitely after a workout...it is not something I could or would want to commit to forever...I love food!

So back to the whole "first step is the hardest"....I could not disagree more, and I truly feel that in order to have a journey worth fighting for, none of it will be easy...its going to be hard...and its going to suck sometimes..but that's what makes the hard work and end result that much better......at least that's what I am hoping for..

I look at it this way...I take care of my material things like ipad,camera, car-ok maybe I used to take care of this, shoes (hell they get put back in the box with tissue paper), phone, etc because I worked my butt off to pay for them...or they were a gift :)...but still why would I want to destroy something that I put in hours of work to earn the money for?

Now HOW do I get my brain to think this way about my body?  I am slowly but surely realizeing that I work way to hard at eating right and working out to give that up for a plate of Nachos but damn they are good  or a large shake from Whitey's (THE best ice cream on the planet) every weekend?

Now does this mean I deprive myself or that I should...HELL NO...and in fact I am 2 days into being back on track since my vacation of 3 weeks...yeah the week before vacation was awful so I tacked it on...BUT I got on the scale today and went down 2 lbs....2 lbs of water I am sure! I allow myself ice cream if I am feeling it and I have done really well or worked out super hard that day. I think its fine to indulge, and in fact everything I have read (I am a big researcher) says you SHOULD indulge every now and then. So if I am craving a brownie...I eat ONE, just not 5 or 6. 

I feel like I am falling back into being focused on the outcome and so much on what I can't eat....emotional stress is a tricky little devil.  Sometimes it makes me want everything horrible like taco bell, cookies, candy and pop.... but when I eat it it makes me feel miserable for the next 3 hours...and its not even just the "eater's remorse"....its actual physical pain because my body said WTF...this stuff is not doing anything for me today!

I feel like this post is a rambled jumbled hot mess...but I felt it needed said...so for those of you just beginning your journey, or those that are finished know that you are not alone! I feel the frustration almost daily, but then I remember why I am going to all this trouble...to feel good and know that I will be around for all of the important things I want to see and do.

I don't know if I have mentioned it on here, but I have high blood pressure and take a prescription for it. I am only 27 and I certainly do NOT want to be on meds for the rest of my life...and yes I hear this all of the TIME "but you are so young"....I realize that...but I can't just tell my blood pressure to lower...obviously I would if I could...I have a tendency to get overly excited about things...and not just in a happy way ( anxiety much).

I want to be able to be on zero meds when we get pregnant..NO that is not right now....but I have to think ahead, because we want to start right away!

So not only do I want to be healthy for me, look good in my wedding dress, and feel good, BUT I want to be healthy for my future children...if that's not motivation I don't know what will be for me!

SO just for sticking around for that Hot mess post...here is a couple of my favorite quotes to get you through your weekend!...You're welcome

Happy Friday!

If I had a million dollars...

Well post number 2 today.....you're welcome!

I couldn't resist this link up with Holly, because J and I talk about this ALL. THE. TIME!

1. I would buy a huge piece of land that J could hunt on and that I could not see my neighbor's house, BUT I am still within good distance of civilization so those bat shit crazy people don't try to break into our fort Knox!

2. adding to number one I would build my huge magnificent dream home with my own craft room, movie theater and state of the art gym fully loaded with my own trainer Jillian Michaels to kick my butt!

3. I would buy my own plane so we could fly wherever we wanted to go and make sure it was big enough to take people with us!

4. I would also be buying my Lexus SUV Black and fully loaded with all the bells and whistles ( you can tell I am dreaming now)

image from uncrate.com

5. I would go to France and take cooking lessons from a top chef, and I would be taking Luke Bryan with me to serenade me the whole time..and drink beer with J so he doesn't get bored!

6. I would spend a month in Hawaii in a suite where J and I could have unlimited room service

img source shedexpedition.com

7.I would buy stock in Target- so I can make some money off of myself- yeah that's right I am gonna make MORE money!

8. I would donate a large portion to ALS research- I know Holly you said you didn't want to see charities buttt I would do this anyway!

9. Mel, I can't help it but I am stealing this one- I would fly from coast to coast stopping at the BEST stores for a huge shopping spree!

img source prlog.org

10.On a more serious note, I would pay off my debt...blah blah blah blah...and I would buy my mama a brand new convertible!- because she's awesome and deserves it!

What would you do if you won the lottery?!

I'm BAAACCCCKKKKK

well Hello my lovely blogger friends!

It seems like forever since I have written a post...oh wait it has been....sorry I was MIA on my vacation!

This may be a rather long post..but oh well..you have been warned ;)

I am not even sure where to start on this post, but I guess I will start with my "pick myself up"

I have been reading a lot that in order to fail you just quit and never pick yourself up!

Well I have concluded I have not yet failed, because I have NOT given up! I know I can do this I just needed to reach the point I reached on vacation ( again)!

I have been really struggling..and I MEAN STRUGGLING!

I "did" the 10 day cleanse on THE worst possible week ever....Cake testing, work stress (lots of changes), and packing for vacation....I was completely insane to think that I could add a cleanse to put 100 percent into and think that it would actually work out!..UM NO!

I will do a mini vacay post but I wanted to get this out, because I am picking myself back up today!

I will not let food get the best of me...I will not let it win!

Towards the end of our vacation I started making a "fresh start" list!

I am going to purge my pantry and fridge (really well) this time! I want to re organize the pantry. It is about half way to user friendly!

I want it to be labeled so that J knows where to find things and doesn't say "Hey, why don't we have this?"...when we do...

I am going to add some things to reorganize the freezers as well! ( I will do a post when they are all finished)

I am definitely at a point of no return! I am getting closer and closer to the the day I say I do..and I don't want to have in the back of my mind "what if I would have worked a little harder last summer?"

I know I can do this, I have done it before, but the comfort has been setting me back.  The comfort of my relationship with J...knowing that he loves me how I am has created a pit of slacking to not push myself!

I am gonna be REALLLL honest with you right now....I am super afraid my boobs will shrink...I know I know..sounds dumb right? They are the one asset that I have had physically that has attracted boys in the past.

Now reading that as I typed it, that sounds horrible...guys don't love you for your body...they like you for your body...Men love you for who you are!  I know that J will love me no matter how I look which is a bonus that skinny girls don't get! (BOOM)

I have never had to lose weight WITH a guy, I have always lost weight while being single, it is MUCH harder to lose weight when you are in a relationship, especially a good one that has comfort in it!

 When I cook dinner, because J is picky, I always have to think about what I am making- "will he eat it? will he like it? How can I hide healthy things?"

It is so much easier when you are alone, because you only keep what YOU can eat, and you only fix what YOU will eat! Now I have another person, and he isn't your average man with a bottomless pit that will eat anything that is edible...nooooo he is picky..and his biggest issue is with vegetables....AWESOME!

I am getting to the point of being a mom and saying "if you don't like what I fix, there is PB and jelly make a sandwich!" maybe that will get him to eat what I fix....but then the domestic woman in me comes out and  I think I can't have him going hungry! (Catch 22?)

So for now I will focus on getting myself to love cooking again, I didn't really lose it but I overwhelmed myself with all of the food information and my brain had a melt down!

I am also getting back on track with logging food...I have already found that it is MUCH easier to log a day in advance...and then you are able to tweak it and add or subtract as day goes on!

The other things on my list are to update my running play list ( helps motivate me to go out!) AND we will be moving Tikka's kennel ( the puppy) to another room so I can get back to Turbo Fire!!  
 

loving this song right now!!

She is in the living room right now which causes difficulty and of course both dogs want to be right under my feet....awesome.

How do you get back on track after vacation?


And just because I can....here's a picture from last night...offered floor seats 9th row to the Matchbox Twenty/Goo Goo Dolls concert last night..and it was FANTASTIC!!!!

my baby brother is better than yours- Great concert!!!-nice photo bomb dude!