Go read those first then come back, I'll wait for you ;)....ok here we go!
Ahhh the college years, can we just stop and talk about how college for a "Normal" kid ends up in food problems. You grow up with your mom taking care of the grocery buying, and food cooking ( most kids). Then they send you off to school where there is a cafeteria (YUCK) with craptastic choices.
Everyday choices were Pizza, burgers and fries, pasta ( with nasty sauce that's watered down), and then a grill to order that I never used...and a "Home cooked" line with fried things usually. Hmmm can't imagine why there is that Freshman 15! Ohh and lets not forget my college who also had a special grill-to-order Pub with a coffee shop (yuck).
Yeah I am pretty sure I am the only kid to make it through college WITHOUT a coffee addiction!
I RARELY, and by that I mean probably 20 times my entire time at college, used the caf, except for a few times Fresh and Soph year they had late night with ONLY fried food and burgers.( super healthy choices right?)
I did however frequent the Pub, because their grilled chicken sandwich's were amazeballs (Flunk Day Holla)--> maybe someday I will share photos of the is amazing day that happened EVERY Year...until then here's a sneak peak.
Add in drinking more than 2 times a week (sorry mom) plus late night pizza, Wendy's and taco bell....you are just ASKING to gain A GAZILLION pounds.
However, I was still dealing with things from my past on top of new obstacles.
I think one thing that kept me from gaining anything Freshman year was the fact that I had struggled with weight for a long time before. I didn't gain a lb and by the end of freshman year I actually lost about 20, due to stressful situations I had never encountered before.
|ringing of the bell- First Day of College (not the best picture but you can tell I didn't gain at all)|
|end of freshman year|
Lets just say college guys can be HUGE jerks! Growing up in a small town and being sheltered I was not truly prepared for anything that college had to throw at me.
Good news was I made a lot of really great friends that helped me survive! I know that I am highlighting difficult moments from college, but lets be real, I did have a blast.
|One of my "thinnest" moments!|
I learned a LOT about myself. I was finally starting to find the Lindsay that I knew was in there.
I have always been VERY social. Ask my grade school teachers and they will tell you I was quite the chatterbox! ;)....I know I know..you are all VERY surprised!
I have always been a social butterfly, its my safe place. I love meeting new people and making new friends. I definitely practiced the general form of socializing in college...drinking.
Those four years I formed a lot of bad habits. I picked up smoking (socially and then when stressed), binge eating on junk after drinking, binge drinking, and the dreaded starving myself so that I can save the calories for beer. YIKES!
If I could tell my college self one thing it would be...Learn the meaning of safe drinking. I did not have that in the bag by a long shot. I did however survive college without anything bad happening to me.
Why am I sharing this? Well for one, its part of what molded me into the person that I am. I struggled with a lot of things and had still not dealt with the major issue...trying to fill the whole left in my heart. I looked in a lot of places and never could find what I was looking for....imagine that! Guess what I was looking in all the wrong places, one place that I definitely did not look was Church and God.
I had forgotten how good it felt to let God have the control of healing. I have since remembered this, and it has helped tremendously.
I can't quite explain what it was, but I can tell you once I started to let God back in and give him back some control I felt a sense of relief....(I am type A give me a break here)...After I met J I knew that I had come back to the light side and that dark path I had been on for so long was in the past forever.
I still have a drink every now and then, and I still let loose and party like old times on a RARE occasion- this girl can't play that game anymore very often...how the HELL did I do it more than once a week!?
|well obviously drinking was involved|
|late summer/fall after I had yet again lost about 35 lbs( after regaining it all back)|
I no longer starve myself ALL day so that I can drink at night..hello unhealthy! I have been a non smoker for 3 years, best decision of my life....that stuff makes me nauseous now! YUCK!
I feel so complete in so many ways now, that I can finally give myself the focus I deserve. I can focus on my body image issue, on my emotional eating, and my fear of losing my tatas
If you are still here after reading all of that, then go have a glass of wine...you deserve it! ;) Or a protein shake whichever floats your boat! Both sound pretty amazing to me right now!
Hmmm...is it an oxymoron to put Bailey's in a protein shake?.....just curious!