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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Ain't nobody got time fo dat part 4

Thanks for coming back if you missed the first three parts you can find them here:
                                                           Part 1
                                                           Part 2
                                                          Part 3

Go read those first then come back, I'll wait for you ;)....ok here we go!

Ahhh the college years, can we just stop and talk about how college for a "Normal" kid ends up in food problems.  You grow up with your mom taking care of the grocery buying, and food cooking ( most kids).  Then they send you off to school where there is a cafeteria (YUCK) with craptastic choices.

 Everyday choices were Pizza, burgers and fries, pasta ( with nasty sauce that's watered down), and then a grill to order that I never used...and a "Home cooked" line with fried things usually. Hmmm can't imagine why there is that Freshman 15!  Ohh and lets not forget my college who also had a special grill-to-order Pub with a coffee shop (yuck).

Yeah I am pretty sure I am the only kid to make it through college WITHOUT a coffee addiction!

I RARELY, and by that I mean probably 20 times my entire time at college, used the caf, except for a few times Fresh and Soph year they had late night with ONLY fried food and burgers.( super healthy choices right?)

I did however frequent the Pub, because their grilled chicken sandwich's were amazeballs (Flunk Day Holla)--> maybe someday I will share photos of the is amazing day that happened EVERY Year...until then here's a sneak peak.

Add in drinking more than 2 times a week (sorry mom) plus late night pizza, Wendy's and taco bell....you are just ASKING to gain A GAZILLION pounds.

However, I was still dealing with things from my past on top of new obstacles.

 I think one thing that kept me from gaining anything Freshman year was the fact that I had struggled with weight for a long time before.  I didn't gain a lb and by the end of freshman year I actually lost about 20, due to stressful situations I had never encountered before.
ringing of the bell- First Day of College (not the best picture but you can tell I didn't gain at all)

end of freshman year

Lets just say college guys can be HUGE jerks!  Growing up in a small town and being sheltered I was not truly prepared for anything that college had to throw at me.

Good news was I made a lot of really great friends that helped me survive!  I know that I am highlighting difficult moments from college, but lets be real, I did have a blast.
One of my "thinnest" moments!

I learned a LOT about myself. I was finally starting to find the Lindsay that I knew was in there.

I have always been VERY social. Ask my grade school teachers and they will tell you I was quite the chatterbox! ;)....I know I know..you are all VERY surprised!

I have always been a social butterfly, its my safe place. I love meeting new people and making new friends.  I definitely practiced the general form of socializing in college...drinking.

Those four years I formed a lot of bad habits. I picked up smoking (socially and then when stressed), binge eating on junk after drinking, binge drinking, and the dreaded starving myself so that I can save the calories for beer. YIKES!

If I could tell my college self one thing it would be...Learn the meaning of safe drinking. I did not have that in the bag by a long shot.  I did however survive college without anything bad happening to me.

Why am I sharing this? Well for one, its part of what molded me into the person that I am. I struggled with a lot of things and had still not dealt with the major issue...trying to fill the whole left in my heart. I looked in a lot of places and never could find what I was looking for....imagine that!  Guess what I was looking in all the wrong places, one place that I definitely did not look was Church and God.

I had forgotten how good it felt to let God have the control of healing.  I have since remembered this, and it has helped tremendously.

I can't quite explain what it was, but I can tell you once I started to let God back in and give him back some control I felt a sense of relief....(I am type A give me a break here)...After I met J I knew that I had come back to the light side and that dark path I had been on for so long was in the past forever.

I still have a drink every now and then, and I still let loose and party like old times on a RARE occasion- this girl can't play that game anymore very often...how the HELL did I do it more than once a week!?

well obviously drinking was involved

late summer/fall after I had yet again lost about 35 lbs( after regaining it all back)

I no longer starve myself ALL day so that I can drink at night..hello unhealthy! I have been a non smoker for 3 years, best decision of my life....that stuff makes me nauseous now! YUCK!

I feel so complete in so many ways now, that I can finally give myself the focus I deserve. I can focus on my body image issue, on my emotional eating, and my fear of losing my tatas if  when I get skinny....yes I have an irrational fear of them getting smaller- we have a love/hate relationship!

If you are still here after reading all of that, then go have a glass of wine...you deserve it! ;) Or a protein shake whichever floats your boat! Both sound pretty amazing to me right now!

Hmmm...is it an oxymoron to put Bailey's in a protein shake?.....just curious!

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