01 09 10

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Dear 21 year old Lindsay.....shits about to get real!

So I decided that I needed to do this link up with Holly and Jake for 2 reasons.

Reason number one being I love their link ups because I usually just about pee myself from their own stories.

Reason number two...I don't embarrass myself NEAR enough on this blog, nor do I share funny/inappropriate stories.

If I am gonna be real and honest with you all you need to know the side of me I like to call Hammered drunk Lindsay.

*Disclaimer, all facts are as close to real as I can remember.

So let me just set the stage for you. I was a junior in College, and my birthday is in September...yes my birthday is coming up soon. ( I have found that most bloggy ladies I follow also consider their birthday "month" a national holiday...weird...we like to write about our lives and think we are super awesome and deserve our own Holiday :))

I digress...My birthday is at the BEGINNING of September, and OBVIOUSLY I needed to make a big deal out of my 21st...I mean really...I have already been in college for 2 years...now all the partying I had been doing is now LEGAL. I must fair warn you, these are not years I am entirely proud of...however I had a DAMN good time, and although there are a few things ..ah hem boys...I would cut out, ignore, laugh at  choose to walk away from, I loved college.

I have written a letter to myself once before...find it here.. and it was slightly sappy and meant to be motivating, however, today's is meant more to slap the beer goggles off of my drunken 21 year old self.


Dear Linds (21),

I am sure by now you are completely FREAKED out that you are reading a letter from what seems to be your future self...yes this is real...put down the Hawkeye Vodka and Pepsi for a sec and read this with as much soberness as possible.

You are turning 21 and you are thinking OMG this is going to be a freaking awesome night, I may even meet someone...WRONG O!
holy boobs...why did I think it was ok to show the goods?

In fact the night of your big shin dig in big ole I.C., not only do you not meet someone nice (shocking at a bar), you meet about 5 CREEPS!

Someone will be dancing with another girl while trying to feel you up (enter creep 1), DON'T IGNORE this, turn around and slap that man...no wait you knee him in his man parts for being such a scum bag.

Note to self...when your friends tell you someone is "coyote UGLY" LISTEN TO THEM!....they do not have the beer goggles you do!... PLEASE and THANK YOU!

Later in the night I want you to THANK your guy friends who came with you...and THANK THEM A LOT...because NOT only do they give you water disguised as vodka...hardy har har....they will make sure you and everyone else gets BACK in the limo.

Good news is YOU will not be the puker, but you will also lose the sole attention that night...THAT'S OK..you survive!

A few days later you will bite the bullet and get your first (and only as of now) tattoo...don't let anyone talk you out of it..I promise you down the road you still don't regret it!! In fact you sometimes forget you have it...

Enjoy college, go to parties...but please please please go TO CLASS. Put more effort into your school work- I know boring, but seriously it will help you immensely later. ( While we are on that topic..DO NOT MAJOR IN PSYCHOLOGY- there is not a damn job out there that pays anything worth while)

Now, I know what you are thinking, who does this bitch think she is...I do what I want.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to me I know my shit...the guy that you meet at wal mart while buying groceries ....at midnight...do NOT take his number..do NOT give him yours...He is the douchiest douche bag you will ever date( well right under the lying thief)...ok I take that back...he does give you a memorable date...however the beginning of said date..where YOU DROVE....he hits on the waitress...kindly get up and walk out on his ass leaving him there!

If you choose to ignore the info above..then listen to this- don't try to reason with someone who works at a damn mall kiosk...he is a LOSER!

Moving on, spring break...do NOT go to VEGAS....there will be a few nice people..but ONE major creep who I am quite sure drugs you...JUST DON'T DO IT!

Ok now on to fluffy love stuff...I know you are frustrated with not finding a "good" guy...enjoy your college days, I promise you, you will find the man of your dreams AFTER college! He is well worth the wait, so please don't waste any precious time or energy on dumb asses and douche bags...especially ones who will try to steal from you andddd succeed! ( you should have listened to me about the douchey guys)

I won't tell you anything more, But enjoy your time in college, the real world has its good points, but don't ignore all of the quality BS time you have now...live it up!

Here are a few words of wisdom....
1. Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks- ignore the snotty girls who make you feel fat
2. DO NOT try to meet a guy in a bar- they are there to party not look for a wife
3. Enjoy your friend's company you meet some life long friends in college and carry a few over from High school
4. Drink BEER- do NOT drink liquor..its BAD BAD BAD and you can not control the consumption
5.Stay away from ALL TKE parties....beer goggles...enough said
6.This is the last one and probably the most important for your health- STOP with the smoking- Nothing good comes from it and it only causes more damage- you don't need to get drunk that much faster..wait those "smoke breaks" you take that year will be some of the most memorable moments with a great friend so if you do choose to smoke..please DO NOT try and talk and hold a cigarette at the same time in your car..you WILL make burn marks...however the talks are so worth it!

So now feel free to pick up the Hawkeye vodka and Pepsi and drink on..hell go have a fish bowl margarita at La Haciendas...but please for the love of god EAT some food!

It's thirsty Thursday which also means its Cup night...just don't walk back alone!

Love, you at 26 (Me)

Here's a little slide show of me keepin it classy!...
this is what you will look like if you drink for over 8 hours and think you can still function...you're welcome

country parties are still the best parties...<3 my bestie

you can't get any classier than this my friends...oh wait if there were alcohol b/w my legs..THAT would be classier!

Well there you have it...my letter to me...I let some seriously personal things out of the bag..and before I go any further...yes I did quit smoking- its a nasty habit and I am glad I quit! Now about that drinking...I am about to go have a big ole glass of wine!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh.... I loved everything about this letter, from the disclaimer to the guy at Walmart. LOL


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